Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Derek Thomas Pig-Gate Denial

Latest developments in the 'Did David Camoron Have Oral-Sex With Severed Pig's Head'-story. After the nation was 'amused' to hear of the extraordinary allegations of prime ministerial pig-sex, I contacted my local tory-reactionary member of parliament, Derek Thomas, to test his position on the matter:  (I've just had a thought - what if it was a boar?  That would make it gay-dead-mutilated-pig-oral-sex!  Surely no worse than straight-dead-mutilated-pig-oral-sex, don't get me wrong!)  but it does add a spicy twist to an otherwise mundane and unexciting story... 
 (Click on the image, right-click and open in new tab....)
Here's that curious email in full:
Dear Jeremy
I have no interest in what Mr Cameron did or did not do as a young person.
I am only concerned about matters that affect people's lives today and how I can help to improve matters for people both here in the Southwest and further afield.
Kind regards
Derek Thomas
Member of Parliament for St Ives

Public message to Derek Thomas MP                  23.9.15
Re:  mp's responsibility to represent the People
Dear Derek,                                                                    
As you know, you have not yet responded to several letters and emails from me concerning such topics as Human Rights, Fox-hunting, the legal basis for Cameron's killing of a British Citizen, legality of military intervention in foreign states, etc.. 
If I do not receive answers to these queries soon, I will be forced to conclude that you are willfully neglecting the duties for which we pay you.  This would leave me in a disenfranchised state and would constitute a failure of democracy.  Not a good reflection on party or member.  And talking of members...

Re:  David Cameron's Conduct

Whilst failing to respond over human rights or foxes rights, you are quick to respond when the prime minister gets accused of dead-pig-sex. Curiouser.  Your response is fascinating.  You say you have 'no interest' - really?  Personally I'd be quite interested to know if my boss had had sex with a dead pig, perhaps I'm just over-inquisitive.  

So your position basically is:  'I don't care if Britain's Leader once had sex with a dead-pig's head', and you see yourself as a moral guide to young people?

Best wishes,  Jeremy Schanche

You are what you eat.

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